I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
