she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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