One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
