My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
