We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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