i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
