Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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