Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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