Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
