Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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