Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
