i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
