my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
