moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
