i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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