my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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