i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
