tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
