Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
