It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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