I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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