I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize