Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
