so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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