i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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