the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
