I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
