Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
