What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
