fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
