god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
