I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
