one two three fourrrrnication!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
