I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's always time for handjobs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
