I didn't shave. On purpose
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
