you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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