do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
