I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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