do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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