TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
