I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
