If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
