I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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