Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
