Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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