This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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