I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
