What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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