Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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