I just threw up on my dentist
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
