well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize