I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
