You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
