I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
