yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
