my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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