Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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