rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
