DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
