Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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