Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
