i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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