i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
