I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
