yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
