I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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