He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
