Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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